The goal of parenting is not simply to raise good, moral, happy, well-adjusted, successful, confident kids. While not inherently wrong, these virtues fall short of the greater and higher purpose of God’s design for parenting, namely, cultivating Gospel identity into the lives of your children.

Scripture speaks piercingly into the practical, everyday context of parenting when it calls parents to raise their children in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). This mandate on parents is not mere religious conjecture or good advise, but a radical call to reject the conventional wisdom and patterns of this world when it comes to the shepherding of children. It speaks to the essence of a parent’s pastoral responsibility to cultivate Gospel identity into the children God has entrusted to them. It’s first and foremost a ministry calling for parents to view and respond to their children as their first disciples, to organize the rhythms of their home and life around that calling, and to effectively raise young men and women who stand confidently and securely in the person and work of Jesus.

When viewed through this scope, instruction as parents is more than just teaching kids a moral framework of what to do and not to do; it’s about teaching kids who they are in Jesus so their obedience flows out of the security of their Gospel identity. As well, discipline is no longer about punishing children for their sin but rather training them to righteousness and holiness in the Gospel through their sin.

This discipline and instruction is no less than what Jesus has done for us, and acts as a constant reminder of the Gospel in our own lives as parents.

Jesus did not die to modify our behavior and make us more moral; He died to transform our hearts and make us holy, redeemed children of the Father. The Gospel is not a litany of moral “do’s” and “don’ts”. It’s the story of what Jesus has done, finally and fully, and the call to rest in that, celebrate that, have our identities, securities and hopes rooted in that, and to live in light of that in all ways at all times. In our parenting, then, we instruct not out of fear, legalism and moralism, but out of confidence in the Gospel and Jesus’ ability to restore and redeem the hearts of our children. Our goal is not to morally modify and manage the behavior of our children; it’s to move them towards Jesus for the sake of their holiness, their redemption and their adoption as sons and daughters of God.

The Gospel is the story of Jesus choosing, by his grace, not to punish us according to our sin but to redeem us according to His mercy in the Gospel. It’s the declaration of God through Jesus that the fear of punishment and judgment is no longer a sustainable motivation towards right living. Only joy in Jesus and freedom in the Gospel is.

In those moments of frustration towards our child’s disobedience we’re faced with the glaring reality of our own disobedience towards God and Jesus’ sufficient and sustaining forgiveness towards us. We’re reminded that He is slow to anger, abounding in love and that while we were still sinners He died for us. We’re reminded of our joy in Jesus and its motivating effects in our lives, and are forced to reconcile whether or not this is the same motivation for change we are trying to cultivate into our kids.

In the end, two realities are always at play in our parenting: 1) The call to cultivate Gospel identity into the lives of our children so that with greater depth and clarity they come to know and love the person of Jesus and His work on their behalf, and 2) The fact that the only way we as parents can discipline and instruct our children in this Gospel manner is if we first are continually coming to know with increasing profundity the depths and breadth of Jesus’ redemptive work on our behalf. Parenting is the call not only to teach and train our children in the Gospel but to be taught and trained in the Gospel ourselves…over and over and over and over.

The cultural bombardment of pressure on boys and girls is to find their identity and security in things other than Jesus. Girls, especially, are taught that their acceptance and approval are rooted in their appearance – the prettier you are the more loved you are. For boys, the pressure is the same yet with a unique focus. Boys are taught that their acceptance and approval are rooted in their performance – the more successful you are in school, in sports, in your profession the more loved you are. Below are practical scenarios in which the Gospel can be cultivated into the identities of boys and girls, given their unique pressures and appropriate, Gospel-centered responses:

When rejected by a boy she likes:
Remind her that the ultimate Man, Jesus, gave His life to be with her and will never reject her.

When battling self-hatred:
Remind her that God’s love is overwhelming and abundant for her in Jesus, and He will never hate her.

When feeling self-conscious because of her physical appearance:
Remind her that in Jesus she is a beautiful creation.

When seeking approval from a group of girls:
Remind her Jesus loves and approves of her no matter what.

When struggling with self-doubt:
Remind her that her assurance in Jesus is certain, and He will never doubt her.

When overwhelmed by insecurity:
Remind her that Jesus will never make her feel uncertain, but will always love her securely.

When feeling defeated because he didn’t make the team:
Remind him that Jesus will never make him earn His approval.

When insecure because he never has a girlfriend:
Remind him that to know and be loved by Jesus is all-consuming and satisfying.

When devastated because he failed:
Remind him that Jesus has won the victory for him, and so even in his failures he can delight in God.

When lonely because he’s not in the “popular” crowd:
Remind him that Jesus will never leave him, but will always dwell closely with him.

When pursuing a career track just for the money/position/power/etc:
Remind him that Jesus approves of him and doesn’t care about his job title.

When feeling like he can never meet mom and dad’s expectations:
As parents, back off. Accept him, approve of him and love him like Jesus does you.

Join Woodlands Point this Sunday as we conclude our “Family Defined” Series, where we are exploring how the Gospel defines marriage, family and parenting. We’ll look at how our call to cultivate Gospel identity into the lives of our children plays itself out in practical, everyday life.

Incoming search terms:

• identity girls jesus

Tags: Acts 29, church in the woodlands tx, family, gospel, gospel centered church, marriage, parenting, the woodlands tx, woodlands point community church

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011 at 12:21 pm and is filed under Pastor's Blog.