Why does it seem like the things that I have the most trouble with, are the things God likes to make me face directly?

Like, for instance - forgiveness.

Or, more intensely - loving people who, to me, seem completely un-lovable.

Or removing myself from my reclusive little world and engaging with others.

I find it most peculiar that my heart breaks for humanity, that I ache for so many to know the love of Christ, that I am completely and utterly consumed with living my life in a way that reflects Jesus Christ and his love for us, and yet - I’m so horrible at doing all of these things, I’m so quick to retreat into myself, and I so frequently find myself in a place of solitude.

Sometimes, my conversations with God look like this:

“Geez God, you know that I really don’t want to interact with this person. I would much rather like to just keep to myself today. Ok, Ok - if I have to live ‘missional-y’, how about I spend some time with those friends that I always spend time with - you know, the ones I really get along with and know so well? Yeah - THOSE friends. The ones who know you and who I’m on the same page with. The ones that I’m comfortable with, where silences aren’t awkward and I don’t always feel like I’m some wierdo. Exactly! THOSE people, the ones who don’t annoy me. How about I just hang with them? You know I’m not ’that’ guy, I’m not the social butterfly, I’m not the conversationalist, I’m not the guy who gets all the laughs at a get-together - and that’s cool with me, so why don’t I just hang out with the person I enjoy the most…ME!”

Then I feel this gentle nudge, ’No’.

I once wrote in a journal that I wanted God to come over me like a crashing wave. I wanted Him to overtake me and push me wherever it is that I need to go. I wanted Him to flood my life and move me to the places that I could do the most for him.

But He’s never done that.

He’s more like a gently dripping rain. He’s persistent, and no matter how loud I whine, I can still feel Him.

His pursuit of me NEVER stops.

I find humor in the thought that God has put a desire and calling on my life for this idea of ‘missional’ living, and yet it’s something that I’m simply not character-inclined towards.

The same goes for a heart to preach and teach - when I’ve always had a fear of public speaking.

And yet His pursuit of me NEVER stops.

Loving the un-lovable.

How about, loving the ‘inconvenient’?

Maybe that’s a better word.

Because while God does call us to love people who we feel completely unable to - he more often calls us to love people who are ‘inconvenient’.

You know EXACTLY who I’m talking about:

The people who knock on your door at the worst time.

The people who call you when you’re so busy, and you just don’t have time to talk.

The people whose opinions never match up with yours.

The people who want to make plans with you at the last minute, and you had plans to go home and relax.

The people who, for you to have a relationship with them, you actually have to SACRIFICE something…family time, naps, recorded episodes of 24, internet surfing, blogging, reading, and whatever else it is that you do that is ‘so important’.

THOSE people.

When did our comfort begin to surpass our compassion and desire to share the gospel with other people simply by loving on them and caring about them and talking to them about Jesus?

Or perhaps, when did our concern for our own DIS-comfort begin to surpass our love for our God?

I’m embarrassed to say that many times - I’m the sulking figure sitting under the little tree, staring at Ninevah, and whining about the current condition of my comfort.

Yet I rejoice - because I know that His pursuit of me NEVER stops.

Even in my DIScomfort.

And I hope it never will.

Who are the ‘inconvenient’ people in your life?

Lord do not come quickly to me. Continue to move in me in such a way that I cannot dismiss your presence or your leading. Move gently, with the loving persistence that you have always had. Make me uncomfortable. Never let me reach a place where I value my peace over your will. Destroy me before I get there, never let up on me with your pressing spirit. Forgive me for my selfishness and my fear. Thank you for never leaving me, for never forsaking me, and for never turning from me no matter the grief I cause you. Help me to un-judge. Help me to set aside my comforts and my weaknesses so that only YOU can be glorified. Help me to see that I don’t matter, but that only YOU do.

Tags: change, comfort, forgiveness, glorified, grief, jesus, missional, uncomfortable

This entry was posted on Friday, March 5th, 2010 at 6:01 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.